December 2022 Newsletter: Boundaries, Meditation, and All-or-Nothing Thinking

Welcome to my first newsletter! Thank you so much for your continued support as I navigate new avenues of my business. This newsletter is exciting for me because it gives me an opportunity to connect with you on a different level. My hope is to share practice updates, therapy themes, as well as personal reflections and resources with you that I hope will be supportive and helpful.

Therapy Themes

Some weeks, I find myself having very similar conversations with my clients. Whether this is a real-life example of collective consciousness, or simply a coincidence, you can decide for yourself! This month, specifically around the holidays, I found myself having many conversations around boundaries. Makes sense, right? Many of us see family, and in so doing have a need for boundaries (or struggle with a lack of boundaries). 

If you’re a client of mine, chances are we’ve had a conversation about all-or-nothing thinking. This thought pattern means that you like to label things: things are either good or bad, or you’re all-in or not in at all. When we think about boundaries, one of the common fears I hear about as a therapist is a fear that you’ll have to cut people out of your life when you start to set boundaries. But that simply isn’t true. Of course, you might be better off without certain relationships, but that’s not the first step (unless it’s what you want). There’s a long road on the way to that decision in most cases. Boundaries mean asking for what you need from others, saying no when you want to, and being honest with yourself about what you can handle before you respond. 

One of my favorite ways I’ve heard boundaries described is that they are the ways in which you teach people how to love you. Consider that for a moment - chances are that most things in your life come with a guidebook or instructions, right? That is, except for people and relationships. Have you ever thought about it like that? You get guidance on how to apply for school, how to put together your new bed frame, and how to do your job. But there is a huge gap in most people’s knowledge on how to relate to each other due to our own conditioning.  Despite the fact that this provides a challenge, this also offers us a beautiful opportunity to fill in the gap. Hence, teaching people how to treat you through boundaries. I love this because it transforms the idea of boundaries from, “hard and fast rules about what someone can and can’t do”, to, “gentle guidance on how to love me in a way that works for me and feels good”. 

Here’s a great place to start: check in with yourself about what you want your boundaries to be in the first place. What feels okay and what does not? How do you feel after you interact with specific people in your life? What do you have the energy for? Do you agree to things you don’t have the space for? Who makes you feel like you have to? Who depletes you? Who makes you feel great about yourself? 

As you consider these questions, see if you can look at it through the lens of avoiding all-or-nothing thinking. This might mean setting an exit time and sticking to it, rather than skipping that party all together. Or maybe, arriving at a family event after dinner, rather than at the very beginning. It also might mean not answering the phone when you’re busy and calling back at a time that works for you. There are so many ways to set boundaries, and no right or wrong way to do it! I’d love to hear how you’re reframing your boundaries this month!

Resources

Another piece of this newsletter I’d love to include is a section on resources that I hope you’ll find useful this month. I don’t love the idea of New Year’s resolutions, but as we’re entering into the New Year, I do believe it’s an excellent time to reflect on values and intentions for the upcoming year. With that being said, I’d love to pass along one of Brene Brown’s podcast episodes from January last year about determining your values and leaning into them. You can find the link here. 

Another resource I'm thrilled to share with you is one that I have created myself! For the past few months I’ve been in the process of creating a foundational meditation course, and it’s finally here and ready! As a therapist, I find myself recommending a meditation practice to most (okay, probably all) of my clients, and more often than not I point them toward one of the many meditation apps that are out there. While the apps are great, I wanted to create something more personal, and something that reflects the kind of work I want to be doing in the world. It also feels great to now have a resource to recommend that I created! 

This course is made up of a gentle exploration of a foundational meditation practice for the all-or-nothing thinker. It includes:

• 14 Daily Meditation Practices
• Introduction and Setup Guidance
• Short Alternate Practices for when you're feeling busy

This course is for you if you're someone who feels like you have to do something perfectly or it's wrong, or if you struggle to implement new habits. I walk you through tackling all-or-nothing thinking and putting systems in place to set you up for success so that you don't quit if you miss a day. 

You can learn more about it HERE :)

As I'm wrapping up this first year in private practice, I am filled with gratitude. Every time I find myself thinking I "should" be doing more, or "should" be trying harder, I remind myself that I did the brave thing by starting. This year has been full of ups and downs, busyness and life in general, and still, here I am. I am proud of myself, and I am sincerely grateful to you, who have supported me either by being a client or staying connected with me. 

While I savor this moment of reflecting on 2022, I'm also looking ahead to the upcoming year with excitement and hope. One final update I'll share with you is that I'll be hosting a FREE meditation workshop on Saturday, January 21st at 10am, and you can get the replay here. 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a part of Mind Body Wellness! It means the world to me that we're connected. As always, I welcome any feedback or questions from your, and look forward to our continued connection in the New Year!