January 2023 Newsletter: How to Process Anger, Starting a Meditation Practice, and Solo Travel

Welcome to this second edition of my monthly newsletter! I’m so glad you’re here, and I’m excited to have this opportunity to connect with you. If you missed the first newsletter, my intention with these monthly notes is to share practice updates, therapy themes, as well as personal reflections and resources with you that I hope will be supportive and helpful.

Therapy Theme

Some weeks, I find myself having very similar conversations with my clients. Whether this is a real-life example of collective consciousness, or themes based on the season or world events, you can decide for yourself. I find the sharing of these themes valuable because it helps to feel like we’re not alone (because we aren’t!). 

This month specifically, I’ve had a lot of conversations about anger. Like, a lot a lot. Many people are grieving, under pressure, burnt out, and feeling angry about it. And guess what? Anger is not a bad thing. How many times have you heard something like, “don’t be mad, it’s okay!”, or “it’s not that big of a deal, chill out”? We’re constantly fed narratives that anger is a bad emotion and we should just let it go and not feel that way (this is especially true for women). 

However, if you’re a client of mine, you may have heard me say that just because you pretend it isn’t there, doesn’t mean it actually goes away. This means that if you push down your anger and frustration, those feelings aren’t processed or resolved. They are still present, simply saved for later. Unaddressed anger turns into resentment, and can have a significant impact on relationships over time.

Here’s an example: Your partner has a habit of looking at their phone while you are speaking to them about your day. This makes you feel angry and unheard, but you choose not to say anything because you don’t want to rock the boat. Maybe you feel like it’s easier not to say anything. Chances are that your brain will develop a narrative about your partner that looks something like this: “They must not care about me or how I feel, I should stop telling them about my day altogether”. Over time, you’ll stop sharing and begin to feel resentful of your partner, because you believe they don’t care about you. 

But, you always have another choice. By sharing your feelings, not only do you give your emotions a place to go (verbal expression), but you also give your partner an opportunity to change their behavior before you make assumptions about whether or not they care. Saying something like, “I feel ignored when you look at your phone while I’m speaking, can you please put it down until we’re done?” is a simple way to communicate what’s happening for you, and put your anger somewhere productive via talking about it.  

Here are some healthy ways to process anger:

• Verbal expression: say how you feel or talk to someone about it
• Movement: anything from exercise to stomping your feet can help you process your feelings (it can also be helpful to hit a punching bag or throw something soft that won’t cause damage)
• Emotional expression: let yourself cry, or scream into a pillow, or yell while you’re alone in your car. It may feel silly at first, but emotions need a way out!

My challenge for you this month is to try a new strategy to release anger. Personally, I love a good car scream, and I would love to know what works for you! 

Practice Updates and Behind the Scenes

I’ve been doing a lot of work behind the scenes to expand my practice into other areas, and to incorporate things I love into my work. This month, I held a virtual Foundations of Meditation workshop to share the “why” and “how” of starting a meditation practice. This workshop was geared toward people who want to explore mindfulness, but struggle with new habits, all-or-nothing thinking, and are all-around busy people. If you missed the live session of this workshop, you can view the replay here. 

If you feel ready to start a meditation practice but want some additional support, my 14-Day Foundations of Meditation Course is also available! This self-paced course includes: guided meditations, short alternate practices, and setup and mindset guidance that you can complete at a pace that works for you. 

Personal Reflections and Resources

While I’m at it, I’d love to share a personal update with you. For the past few years now, each winter I notice that I struggle in February. I move a bit more slowly in the depths of Winter, have less energy, and find it more challenging to lean into self care. This year, after wrapping up my first year of private practice I'm celebrating by taking a big step outside of my comfort zone. I’ve made the decision to spend February in Costa Rica, and am headed out of town in about a week. 

To be honest, I debated how much to share in these newsletters. As a therapist, I was taught that it’s best to share minimal details about my own life, however, vulnerability is something I’m actively working on. Not only that, but I’m also working on stepping into more confidence in my role as a female business owner. In reflecting on what I want that role to be, I think it’s valuable and important for me to be myself. I also am realizing that my business and my life can be whatever I want it to be. 

While I’m beyond excited for this trip and what it means to me, it also hasn’t been an easy road to get here. It’s been a year of intentionally setting aside funds, having tough conversations, fielding some judgment from others, and choosing not to break this commitment I made to myself. For me, this is an embodiment of the life I truly want to live and have been intentionally creating for myself.

It’s definitely not been without challenges, and I’m bumping into the idea of selfishness big time. I’m going on this trip simply because I want to. Whew. Even typing that out feels a little scary. But here’s what I tell my clients all the time, and what I’m learning for myself: wanting to do something (or not wanting to do something) is a good enough reason to make that choice. There is nothing wrong with having big dreams and desires. There is nothing wrong with wanting things for yourself. AND, not everyone will understand that. And, that is okay. The most challenging part of this experience (so far) has been sharing my choice with others. I don’t want to be seen as selfish, but at the end of the day, it’s really none of my business if people think that about me. 

For the sake of being fully transparent (and maybe inspiring you to do something that brings you joy, whether that's travel or not) I'll share some details with you. The cost of my Air BnB is $1400 for the month, and I used credit card points to book my flights. In March of 2022 I started saving a portion of my business profits each month, and was able to book my trip by November. Over the course of 7 months I saved $200 per month for this trip, and of course will want to spend money while I'm there. I share these details with you because a common response that I’ve gotten when I tell people about my trip is, “I could never do that”. While travel is an immense privilege, I also think it's important to create and stick to a plan when making choices about what you want. While you don't have to pack your bags, my invitation for you is to consider doing something that brings you joy this month, simply because you want to.

 A resource that I have found extremely helpful in reducing ambiguity (and planning my trip) is a podcast I’d like to share with you. Financial wellness is something we don’t often talk about in terms of self care, but one that is extremely important, and that we all must navigate. For the sake of reducing some ambiguity around money, here's a resource on financial self care, with many more episodes available!

Thank you for sticking with me! I'd love to know how these newsletters are landing with you so far. What would you like to see more of? Please don't hesitate to respond - I would love to hear from you! I am wishing you a gentle February that includes plenty of room for joy.