April 2023 Newsletter: You're actually doing a really great job

Welcome to the Fifth Edition of my monthly newsletter! Thank you for being here, and for choosing to stay connected with me. If you missed previous newsletters, you can access them here, and can go back to check out the therapy themes and resources I sent in previous months.

Therapy Theme

I personally love Therapy Themes, because it’s so cool to me that there is often a common wavelength that emerges over and over again over the course of a few weeks. When I notice myself having similar conversations with my clients, I tune in because my guess is that if a topic is coming up for a few people, it’s present for many. I hope that in sharing these with you, something resonates and you’re able to feel supported by the collective. 

This month’s Therapy Theme has to do with getting real with yourself. I notice that many people spend a great deal of time intellectualizing their feelings, which means over-analyzing, and sometimes “shoulding” their feelings. This looks something like, “I shouldn’t feel this way, it doesn’t make sense”, or “I shouldn’t really be upset by that, it’s not that big of a deal”. 

From a logical perspective, you want to understand why you feel the way you feel, and you like to match feelings to specific scenarios to help you make sense of the world. This checks out. Except, when it doesn’t, because emotions aren’t always logical. And this is the tricky part, right? Especially if you’re a logical person, you want things to make sense and fit your expectations. I get it, however, you can’t always predict how you’ll feel. 

When you use “should” statements, what you’re really doing is invalidating your emotions by wishing they were different, instead of accepting what’s actually present for you in the moment.

What if instead, you told yourself that it’s okay to feel the way you’re feeling? What if you let yourself sit with it instead of wishing it away? Even if it doesn’t make sense, your feelings still matter, and you deserve the space to sit with your emotions.

A great way to begin to implement this practice is to pay attention to your inner narrative. How are you speaking to yourself? The next time you catch yourself “shoulding” your feelings, I invite you to pause and work on reframing your thoughts. So, instead of “I wish I didn’t / I shouldn’t feel this way”, try something like, “I notice the way I’m feeling right now, and although it may not make sense, I am allowed to feel what I’m feeling”. 

Something that I often say to my clients is this: there is nothing wrong with experiencing a feeling or having a thought, and, you get to decide what to do with it when it comes up.

 The goal is to give yourself permission to experience your emotions, rather than pushing them away and pretending they don’t exist. Remember, you are human, and having emotions is part of the experience.

A second theme theme that came up this month is a recurring one (and one of my favorites): you’re actually doing a really great job. Last month, I talked about zooming out and recognizing your progress, and maybe this is a necessary reminder for the whole year. It’s so easy to get tunnel-vision and focus on the areas where you need to grow. And this is important! I love growth and change. And: it’s also essential to balance that with being proud of how far you’ve come. Where were you this time last year? Three years ago? I invite you to take a moment today to reflect - when you do, my guess is that you’re actually doing much more than you think.

Personal Reflections and Practice Updates

I’m not sure about you, but the warmer weather has me feeling like I am emerging from the cocoon of winter. I love reflecting on the seasons because it helps me change my perspective. In winter, I am slower, more reflective, and I do less. And, despite the societal pressures to be doing doing all the time, that’s actually perfectly okay. Necessary, even. Reflecting on the seasons gives me permission to change my mindset from “what is wrong with me, why do I need so much rest?” to: “rest is important, and necessary, and I am worthy of taking a slower season”. And now, I get to enjoy the feeling of reemerging in the Spring with a renewed sense of energy and excitement. 

With my emergence from Winter comes several new and exciting practice updates here at Mind Body Wellness.

First, I am beyond excited to announce my next workshop! We’ll be diving into boundaries: what they are, how to decide when you need them, and how to communicate your boundaries to others. Building Better Boundaries is a low cost investment ($22) for high-impact information that will help you take intentional action in your life to set boundaries where you need them. This workshop will take place on Wednesday, May 31st at 7pm EST, and you can grab your spot here.

Next is something that’s been on my heart for quite a while. If you’re in the helping profession, or if you spend a great deal of your time caring for others, it’s essential that you also take time to fill your own cup and care for yourself. I’ve been feeling called to facilitate healing for healers, in the form of Reiki sessions geared towards therapists and those who care for others. That means these sessions are for you if you’re a therapist, coach, medical professional, parent, caregiver, etc. If you hold space for others, I want to hold space for you. While this isn’t therapy, sessions will consist of me holding space for you to share what’s on your heart through deep listening and loving care. As I'm writing this, I just finished up a session with a new client, and I am glowing! I truly love this work. Sessions are currently available both in person (Frederick area) and virtually. You can learn more here. 

Last but not least is a personal and professional update: I’m going back to school! Yep, wasn’t sure if I would ever say those words again, but a new chapter is beginning in my world. In May, I’ll be joining the Psychedelic Assisted Therapy Certificate Program at Naropa University. I’ve always been fascinated by the research that supports the use of psychedelics for healing, and I’m so excited to be involved in this new wave of research and education in this field. I’m honored to be selected for this program, and can’t wait to share with you how my first week goes.

I have several resources for you this month!

Here’s a book for you on Self Care. But like, real self care which is achieved through setting boundaries and choosing to make time for yourself. I’m about halfway through this book right now, and am feeling personally called out by this author. Definitely worth the read if you’re down for some self-reflection.

Here’s another that I’m really excited about right now: I love meditation, and Tapping is a form of meditation which involves tapping on different acupressure points within the body to reduce cortisol (your stress hormone). EFT/Tapping Meditation is a technique that you can use within the therapeutic context, or on your own at home. I’ve been using this practice for the past few weeks and have been absolutely loving it, so I thought I would share it with you too! The app I’ve been using is The Tapping Solution, which has a paid version, and a limited free version. Personally, I’m using the free one, but if you try it and love it, I think it's worth paying for.

If you're looking for a podcast episode, Brene Brown (the Queen) has done it again. This episode is from December, and I'm just catching up on her "Unlocking Us" podcast. This episode is so powerful - I laughed, I cried, I gasped out loud. I hope you find it as insightful as I did.

Some other resources I always like to mention are my own meditation resources that I created for you. The first is a free meditation video that will guide you through a 10-minute mindfulness meditation. This is a quick 10-minute practice that you can download if you’re interested in trying out this practice. Included in the email will be a discount code for my 14-Day Foundations of Meditation Course, which I designed to help you be kind to yourself and fight all-or-nothing thinking when implementing a new habit. (If you already know you want the course, the discount code is MINDFUL10).

Okay, one last one - a funny song that came across my Spotify that made me smile. If you’re sometimes road ragey, this one is for you. I hope it makes you laugh like it did for me.  

Happy Spring, my friend! I'm wishing you a gentle season full of opportunities to connect.

With gratitude,

Nicole